my brother is getting married and i’m so excited to fulfill my destiny as the embarrassing drunk gay sister who flirts with the bride for the entire ceremony
i’m gonna yell “RUN AWAY WITH ME” to her during the vows
there are people out there genuinely worried that I’m gonna steal my brother’s bride away the day of their wedding… i’m laughing. I’ve known her since I was born, we just love annoying the shit out of my brother and this “you picked the wrong sibling” joke has been going on for as long as I can remember. The whole family is in on it. The three of us are super close, she’s always been family. Also we are really bad at romantic weddings (my Mom wore jeans at my Dad’s and hers, signed a bunch of papers and then got blackout drunk), and my brother and his girlfriend probably won’t even have a “real” ceremony, just a celebration between friends and family. I love my brother and he already knows I’m gonna pull some stupid stunt, it’s what we do. His girlfriend is usually the one to initiate these shitty jokes, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one to stop the “ceremony” to say some shit like “WAIT THIS IS THE WRONG SIBLING”. please don’t take any of this seriously lmao
that said, i’m definitely showing up half naked to her bachelorette party as the “surprise stripper” with a sash that says “the sibling your should be marrying” and a shitty plastic tiara
UPDATE:
1) for people confused about the “I’ve known her since I was born (…) she’s always been family”: She’s the granddaughter of our parents’ neighbors, we all grew up together and my brother and her have been in love since they were babies. He held her hand as she made her first steps, they even have a picture on their wall of the moment before she first tried to get up
2) IT’S OFFICIAL, I’M GONNA BE MY BROTHER’S BEST MAN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST MAN DO? A SPEECH. Everything is going according to plan.
I forgot to update this post. Probably because THESE TWO SNAKES GOT MARRIED BEHIND EVERYONE’S BACK, JUST THE TWO OF THEM, AND DIDN’T TELL ANYONE. Aka, there was no ceremony. They just went and signed a piece of paper on their own. Like I said, we aren’t big on Flashy And Romantic Weddings in this family. BUT STILL, I WAS ROBBED OF MY BIG MOMENT.
That said, they still hosted a gigantic party with friends and both families with like 100 people and a good 100 bottles of champagne & 100 more of wine (we’re French, don’t judge us). A lot of food, too. And a lot of food means a lot of napkins. And a lot of napkins means I could spend the entire night writing down my phone number on them and keep obnoxiously slipping them into the bride’s hands, pockets, plate, glass, collar etc while mouthing “call me” and doing the phone hand-motion. Which she obnoxiously answered with a fake-fanning hand motion and a wink every time, btw. My own Mother slipped her a napkin on my behalf at one point, too. My brother ripped every single napkins in half. After roughly 18 times of what was probably the most annoying running gag of all time, my brother finally decided to put me in a headlock.
Anyway, these two are still disgustingly, infuriatingly, madly in love, everyone was piss drunk and we all lived happily ever after,
So true: my dog is special, so don’t tell me I can’t have my dog here. That sort of attitude morphs to:
I know how to control a campfire.
That Starbucks cup is biodegradable.
Well, if the coyotes eat my leftover sandwich, that means the coyotes are hungry.
Who cares about that stupid little bush? Oh, you say it’s a baby joshua tree? Tough shit, a new one will grow.
I don’t see any fucking sign telling me I can’d drive my Jeep over this dirt.
I don’t give a shit if bighorn sheep want to drink from this creek. They’re nothing but meat anyway.
I can park wherever I fucking want to park.
Excerpt from the Sierra essay:
Unfortunately, there were also signs that, in the absence of rangers, affection for the landscape only went so far. Cars and campsites were scattered in all sorts of strange locations, though Lypps and Jansen didn’t see signs of the off-roading and vandalism that later prompted officials to try to close the park entirely. Dogs, normally forbidden on trails, were everywhere. Lypps and her friends hiked out to an oasis, only to find an off-leash dog frolicking in it. “My dog is fine!” yelled the dog’s owner, in exasperation when a member of Lypps’s group suggested that the park’s desert bighorn sheepneeded the oasis more than their dog did. “My dog is FINE!”
When things stop working, that is when we begin to see them for what they are. It would be nice if it wasn’t true—if systems, once set in motion, remain that way. But the federal shutdown is an education in just how much of what we take for granted in America is actually someone’s job.
This time, the consequences of keeping the parks open and accessible have been far reaching. In parks where trash bins are overflowing, like Yosemite, a new generation of bears could begin to haunt campgrounds and trailheads, forcing park staff to euthanize them. Entrance fee money spent on emergency park maintenance instead of the long-term infrastructure projects that money was budgeted for could affect the parks for years to come. So will the hole in the budget left by entrance fees that aren’t being collected in the first place, because there’s no staff to collect them.
Civility and compromise be damned. William Barr has a very long, and very public record of aiming the federal government at black people like a loaded gun. And he has pulled the trigger every at opportunity.
Please pay attention to which centrist Democrats are willing to “reach across the aisle” and compromise (acquiesce) with their “esteemed” colleagues. Those are the ones who will need to be primaried and voted out of office in 2020.
There shouldn’t be even one Democrat who votes for Barr to be the next Attorney General. Any Democrat who votes “yes” for William Barr is voting directly against the Civil Rights of black people:
*plays assassins creed to study for my ap history exam*
This is actually really funny. In high school my humanities teacher told us a story about one of the Europe trips he had gone on with the school a few summers past. So him and the group of kids were in the middle of Rome and the tour guide had gotten lost. They could figure out how to get to some church they were going to see. All of a sudden one of the students like call attention to himself. He says he knows where to go and just start walking around the streets, taking back roads and side streets and within 20 mins they’re at the church they needed to get to. My teacher asks the kid if he has every been to Italy before. He says no, he just knew where to go because he played Assassins Creed Brotherhood.
So my friend works in the sound booth at his church and during the sermon, the preacher started bashing on gay people, so my friend muted him. Literally muted his preachers microphone I
And then there was this exchange with Democratic Senator Amy Klobuchar.
Klobuchar: Would … the Justice Department jail journalists for doing their jobs?
The answer to this question might seem to be automatic. It wasn’t.
Barr: I can conceive of places where, as a last resort, and a news organization has run through a red flag or something like that … knows that they’re putting out something that could hurt the country. There could be a situation into whether someone could be held in contempt.
Note that Barr doesn’t say “if a news organization is lying.” He doesn’t even say “if they’re releasing classified information.” He says “putting out something that could hurt the country,” which is a dangerously, dangerously subjective statement to be made by the man who wants to be the nation’s top law official.
Want a good reason to #BlockBarr? Extremist AG nominee William Barr might order the jailing of journalists if a story will hurt the country (in his opinion), similar to how Turkey routinely jails journalists critical of the Erdoğan regime.
if your “gifted child” discourse doesn’t include how kids who are deemed “not gifted” are completely and utterly ignored by the education system and how THAT has lasting effects including having poor self-esteem, poor sense of self worth & a plethora of other bullshit then i don’t wanna fucking hear it
The Art of Africa is a casualty of colonial exploitation, surviving principally in the museums of other countries. ~ Nadine Gordimer
“My objective in this work is to document an extraordinary art form - vernacular art and architecture in West Africa - that is not transportable and therefore not seen in museums around the world. It is an attempt to capture the unseen Africa, a glimpse into the homes and into the spirit of very proud and dignified peoples. In much the same way as I photographed the art of Ndebele women, I have drawn on my personal affinity for the art itself, for methods, design and form, rather than the socio-anthropological or political realities of a people or continent in dilemma. These images portray a unique tradition of Africa, a celebration of an indigenous rural culture in which the women are the artists and the home her canvas.”
